does my mental health define me?

NO, IT DOES NOT!!!

i have been diagnosed (mental health related) with: Depression (Major),  Bulimia (Eating Disorder), DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) formerly known as MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder), PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).

   

i have depression along with the rest of my health issues as a result of genetics. it doesn’t help that there was abuse involved in our life either, but the abuse doesn’t say that we were pre-dispositioned to getting depression. however, for the diagnoses of DID and PTSD, there had to have been something traumatic in my life - abuse.

 

my mental health is a part of me. i still have to live with it, day in and day out. i still have the thoughts every night of:

“Now i lay me down to sleep,
i pray the lord my soul to keep.
for if i die before i wake,
i pray the lord my soul to take.
… PLEASE let me die before i wake!”

we have said this poem, with the addition added on, from a young age.

last year we found out that my one uncle committed suicide on my father’s side, and i finally had proof that it is more genetically in our blood, than ever before. i know, we weren’t the only ones with depression. i was told when we were younger that an aunt of ours did try to commit suicide. don’t know how reliable that is, but that was something we heard a long time ago.

my depression is severe. when my depression hits … it hits hard to being beyond debilitating. where getting up hurts. where every night i say that prayer - just for the hope that we’ll be able to sleep and never wake up. and it is severe right now.

 

there is something else you should know about us …
we do have a life outside of our mental health issues. somewhere. somedays, it is hard to find life, but we do. on those special days, we do enjoy things like … writing, drawing, painting, doodling, TKD, playing with the dogs, going outside, being with CS, existing (somewhat), and trying new things.

we are human. we have feelings. we love people and things. we get hurt when someone says something nasty to/about us. often people don’t hear us for what we want, they only see the mental health issues. we want to try new things. we have bad days and we have good days. sometimes the bad days outnumber the good, but the good days are worth it. we like talking to friends. we like sharing our drawings, paintings and even our doodles. we like writing what we have been feeling and experiencing. we have more than one person internally and somedays it is a blast. other days, having the rest of the crew can be so frustrating.

see, we are human. please don’t judge us, for we have feelings. when you judge us, you are judging not only this body, but everyone else who has a mental health issue, and a good chance a family member …

we are more than our mental health. except that there has been this stigma throughout all of society that those with mental health issues are banned from any and all conversations of getting better and mental health.

 

the following is from CMHA-Saskatchewan:

“Mental illness is common. Statistics show that one in every five Canadians will have a mental health problem at some point in their lives.

Mental illnesses account for a large percentage of hospital stays every year. Yet, in spite of the fact that every Canadian knows someone who has been, or will be, affected by mental illness, few people know very much about it.

It is human nature to fear what we don’t understand. As such, mental illness is feared by many people and, unfortunately, still carries a stigma (a stigma is defined as a mark or sign of disgrace). Because of this stigma, many people hesitate to get help for a mental health problem for fear of being looked down upon. It is unfortunate that this happens because effective treatment exists for almost all mental illnesses. Worse, the stigma experienced by people with mental illness can be more destructive than the illness itself.

…

Words like “crazy”, “cuckoo”, “psycho”, “wacko” and “nutso” are just a few examples of words that keep the stigma of mental illness alive. These words belittle and offend people with mental health problems. Many of us use them without intending any harm. Just as we wouldn’t mock someone for having a physical illness like cancer or heart disease, it is cruel to make fun of someone with a mental illness.

…

People with mental disorders are, many times, not described accurately or realistically in the media. Movies, television and books often present people with mental illnesses as dangerous or unstable. News stories sometimes highlight mental illness to create a sensation in a news report, even if the mental illness is not relevant to the story. Advertisers use words like “crazy” to convey that their prices are unrealistically low and to suggest the consumer can take advantage of them.

You can help change the way mental illness is talked about in the media by speaking up.”

that is only in Canada. now imagine what the United States have for possible stats.

this ended up being a longer post than we expected. don’t know why it came up, but this has been brewing inside for a few days. usually when something like this comes up internally, we have to WRITE!!! so pardon us for letting this get to be sooooooooooooooooooooooo long …